What Do You Say During Faculty Interviews?

Beyond just chit-chatting with people during your interview what, exactly, do you say?  How do you present yourself in the most realistic light? I don’t say ‘most positive’ light because I believe you need to be authentic during your interview.  If you present yourself as different than you are, you may lead to a bad decision about fit being made. So, you need to present yourself authentically, and discover if this place could be a good fit for you.  What do you say?

First, as always, be honest.  If you are looking for a faculty position because you enjoy research, but are not very enthusiastic about classroom teaching, you can communicate that in a positive way.  “What is your approach to teaching?” “I enjoy teaching small group and one-on-one settings so I can really engage with the students on a personal level.” If asked very specifically, be honest.  “How do you feel about teaching large lecture courses?” “Honestly, it’s not my preferred teaching setting,” and then you have two choices: “…but I enjoy a challenge and would be willing to tackle it with good mentoring,” or “…and I would rather not spend a large amount of my time with those types of courses.”

While being honest, be positive.  If you are looking for a new position because your current institution is terrible, put a positive spin on it.  “Why are you interested in our institution?” “I really like the way you approach teaching- encouraging different teaching strategies and elective classes.”  Contrast with, “You don’t micromanage the faculty constantly or overwork them.”

Second, ask all the questions about how the place works.  We will have a separate post with a list of questions, but try to plan out what you want to ask each person or group on your itinerary.  As an interviewer, it is incredibly frustrating to say, “What questions do you have?” and get nothing back. You need to ask questions to make sure the place is a good fit, to demonstrate your interest and enthusiasm, and to demonstrate to them that you Know What You Are Getting Into.  If you don’t ask about on-call responsibilities for a clinical position, for example, they may wonder if you know that this is expected. Conversely, if you obsess over on-call responsibilities, they may assume you don’t actually want to do on-call. It can be a difficult line to walk. Spend time before the interview coming up with these questions and find ways to ask them in a positive light.

Finally, answer their questions in an honest but not necessarily exhaustive way.  If you find yourself talking for more than about 2 minutes, you are probably giving an excessively long answer.  Provide an answer to the question and no more- they will ask clarifying questions if they feel it is important. Don’t be evasive or coy or abrupt, but you don’t need to give a long, rambling answer to every question.  Identify what, exactly, is being asked, and answer that with enough detail to demonstrate you understand the issue at hand.

For example, if asked, “What are your concerns with coming here?” you might answer, “It seems like there aren’t a lot of systems and protocols in place, so we will be figuring things out as we go.  I have only been places with a lot of systems but, even there, I helped create some systems and processes so I look forward to helping to put those in place here.”

When answering questions, an effective strategy is “You do… I do.”  For example, if asked, “Do you think we need an MRI for a neuro service?” you could reply, “Well, an MRI is really essential for good neurologic imaging.  However, if that isn’t possible, I can see a service where medical neurology is the focus. I have spent the past 3 years focusing on neuromuscular diseases and could build a strong referral base on that experience, even without an MRI.”

Remember, the point is to find a good FIT.  If they want you to teach a lot of large lecture classes, and you just want to do research, will you really be happy there?  “But Vetducator, I just want ANY job!” Well, as a veterinary specialist, you generally have your pick of jobs, so you at least need to find one which won’t be terrible for you.  And, ideally, you will find a job which is a good fit, which will lead to career satisfaction and life happiness. Who wouldn’t want that?

How to be Successful: Give Timelines

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I ask my wife to do a surprising number of projects.  Occasionally research projects, but more often household ones like, “Can you figure out if Arcadia Power covers us and how to sign up with them?” and “Can you book lodging for our next trip?”  Early in our relationship, I assumed these would be done immediately, even if I didn’t need the task completed for another two weeks. Once she made it clear that it was easier for her to complete these tasks if she knew when I expected her to finish it, everything was much easier for both of us.

I started applying this principle to co-workers and anyone whom I needed a response from and it translated into a significant improvement in response rate.  Since the way I work, I respond very quickly to asks for work, I assumed everyone else prioritized their work similarly. I came to understand that many people work on the basis of deadlines- they work on projects which have the earliest deadlines first.  I still don’t quite fully understand it, but I use the principle, and I recommend you do, too.

Providing deadlines tells the recipient a few things.  One, it tells them that their input is _required_. It is easy for people to read an email and think, “Ah, well, they are asking me, but maybe it is a courtesy or just to be complete.  I don’t need to reply.” Putting a deadline indicates you need a response from everyone involved. Two, it helps people prioritize their to-do list according to what is most pressing. Three, it gives some sense of the amount of work/effort is required.  If you give a deadline by the end of the week to most academics, it should be an _extremely_ time sensitive matter or something they can answer quickly. If you give a deadline 3-6 weeks away, that suggests you want them to actually contemplate and think about the response, and give a substantive one.

I use a variety of strategies when providing deadlines.  I have the opt-out deadline, which is usually framed as, “This is what I am going to do unless I hear from anyone by X date.”  This is usually when I don’t need input from others and am including them as a courtesy, and because if they DO have strong feelings, I want to know about it.

I have the opt-in with a specific solution short-term deadline, which is framed as, “Here is what I would like to send.  Please chime in with your feedback by X date.” This sends a message that I want and need their feedback. The feedback I expect to get, because of the short timeline (less than 1 week), is usually something like, “OK” or “No, I think we should make this minor change.”  This is often done at the end of a process, where I have already solicited more complex responses.

I have the opt-in with a specific solution long-term deadline, which is framed as, “Here is the current draft.  Please review and provide suggestions by X date.” This date is usually the end of the month or some similar 3-6 week window.  I want and need constructive, thoughtful, cognitively complex input for this, and know that it needs to fit into others’ schedules.  Nonetheless, providing a timeline is helpful so people can put it into their own to-do list framework.

Finally, I have the opt-in optional with a very long-term deadline, which is framed as, “I know you’re busy, and I am working on this project.  Please let me know if you want to participate by X date.” That date is usually 2-6 months into the future, as this is a placeholder for a project or an attempt to determine who may be interested in a novel project.  In this case, I am not expecting much thoughtful contribution, but providing the far deadline allows me to determine who is Actually Interested and who is not. Those who are interested will reply relatively early. Those who are not interested will never reply.

Giving deadlines can be useful at all levels of your veterinary career.  Undergraduate progressing to vet school, “Dear Dr. X, here-is-a-letter-asking-you-to-write-a-letter-of-recommendation-for-me.  Please let me know if you would be able and willing to write a letter for me by (some reasonable date at least 2 weeks away).”  Veterinary student interested in an internship, “Dear Internship Director, I would love the opportunity to speak with a current intern.  Please let me know if there is someone who can talk to me by (some reasonable date).” You can ask for deadlines from people who are higher “rank” than you as long as you are respectful and reasonable with the deadline.

There are many strategies to using deadlines.  Mine would not work in corporate America, where things are more time-sensitive.  Fortunately, in academia, we are usually working with relatively long timelines. Do you like getting deadlines or not? Do they help motivate you? How do you assign deadlines differently?

How to Research Before an Onsite Interview

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I heard a story from a fellow faculty member about an interview they conducted.  The candidate showed up on time, but barely knew their interview schedule, didn’t know who they were speaking with, and seemed to barely know the position for which they were interviewing.  Needless to say, the candidate didn’t get an offer for the position. During an interview, you need to show engagement and be enthusiastic. One of the best and easiest ways to do this is to do your research beforehand.

Research is essential so that you know the right questions to ask, who the people are, what the primary concerns and goals of the program are, what landmines you may need to navigate, and what problem areas you may want to assure yourself about.

Know the right questions to ask.  If the class size is 120, and you ask about classrooms that fit 90, that indicates you are out of touch.

Who the people are.  What is their role in the organization?  The Associate Dean of Research is not going to talk as much about curriculum as the Associate Dean of Students.

Program goals and concerns.  Are they trying to increase research?  Expand to a satellite clinic? Train up qualified staff?  These are all weighing on the minds of the interviewers.

Landmines.  If you know there is a sore topic, you can still bring it up, but be diplomatic about it.  The only general one I know of is to not bring up pay unless the hiring manager brings it up.

Problem areas.  How are the finances/funding?  Is the place solvent? How is the leadership?  Are people happy and, if not, why not? Again, be diplomatic about these kinds of questions.

Now that you see the importance of pre-visit research, how do you do it?  My primary method is via the institution’s website. Sometimes this is extremely frustrating- one position for which I interviewed had almost nothing useful on their website.  However, they at least had their mission statement, which I was able to tie in with my presentation and some interview discussions. Most of the time, there is plenty of information on the website about the individuals you are meeting, news about current trends in the institution, etc.  Mine the website for as much information as you can.

If the website is spartan, or you are curious for more information, you can comb the general internet.  I found some useful information about one school on student information forums . I find this to be relatively tiresome and low-yield, but worth trying if you have the inclination.

It is vitally important that you understand the program, the job, and the people before you do an onsite interview.  Failing to plan is planning to fail.

Preparing for an Interview is Not Cheating

I was on a hike with a friend who is getting ready for a high-stakes interview for grad school.  We were talking about various questions which may be asked during the interview. After a few of these back-and-forth, they said, “I’m not sure we should be doing this.  I mean, shouldn’t I just go to the interview and answer naturally what comes to mind?” I imagine some of you may have similar thoughts, so I want to talk about the assumptions and misperceptions that contribute to this idea.

Assumption one: Prepared answers cannot be genuine and honest.  You may believe that interviewers want spontaneous answers because they are more genuine, but this is not necessarily so.  You can prepare good answers to questions which are 100% genuine and honest. In fact, your answers SHOULD be 100% genuine.  It doesn’t happen often, but twice now I have encountered interviewees whom I felt were giving the answer they thought I wanted, not their actual genuine answer.  Whatever answer you prepare, make sure it is true to you.

Assumption two: Interviewers want spontaneous answers.  Most people do not have much experience with interviews.  As a consequence, spontaneous answers are unlikely to be particularly GOOD answers.  When I ask a question in an interview, I want the most representative answer the interviewee can produce.  It is unlikely, in that small window, in that high-pressure context, that an interviewee can come up with a great example to answer a question.  I want interviewees to have good, genuine, substantive answers. I don’t want it highly practiced and polished, but if the interviewee has at least considered the question before, they can give a good answer.

Assumption three: I don’t need to prepare.  You do realize that others applying for these positions WILL be preparing, don’t you?  My question to you is: do you want the position or don’t you? Some of the others who are interviewing ARE preparing, and their interview will be better as a consequence.   If you want the position, you should prepare.

Assumption four: Preparation warps the whole idea of the interview.  The interview, like the application, is intended to distinguish those applicants who get a position and those who do not.  Do you think that an applicant who puts effort into the process will be viewed more or less favorably? The application and interview indicates how hard and well the person will work in the position.  Someone who puts more effort into the process, who does a better job, will be more likely to be chosen. This is a feature of the interview, not a bug: we WANT to identify those who put more work into the process, because that indicates they are more likely to have what it takes to be successful in the position for which they are interviewing.

Preparing for an interview is an important, integral aspect of the process.  It’s simple: those who prepare will do a better interview and are more likely to get a position.  If you want to be successful, you must prepare and practice. After all, you wouldn’t take an exam without studying, would you? Preparing for an interview is no more cheating than studying for an exam would be.

You Must Stand Out

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I can’t emphasize enough how much you should try to aim for zero– show up, be competent, don’t try too hard.  On the flip side, if you are forgettable, marginal, or just merely acceptable, you won’t ‘wow’ anyone and you won’t get letters of recommendation.  Obviously, you should read and adhere to all of the How to be Successful series of posts. In addition to those concepts, here are some which will help make sure you Stand Out.

1) Ask questions.  There can be a difficult balance between annoying, constantly questioning/bugging and curious, thoughtful, and engaged.  Asking thoughtful questions indicates you understand the material and are interested in learning even more. You may ask any questions you like, and this is a great way to learn, but if you haven’t done the basic reading and work to understand the foundations of the topic at hand, you probably won’t stand out when you ask your questions. Conversely, try not to ‘wow’ people with the questions you ask- esoteric data and minutia can be all well and good, but whenever a student asks me a question like this, it is obvious that they are trying to suck up or stand out.

2) Help out.  You may think faculty don’t notice all of your hard work, and maybe some of them don’t, but most of us keep a close eye on how hard working the students are.  Help your classmates out whenever they need it. Teamwork is an essential skill for veterinary medicine- demonstrate that you care more about the team than yourself.

3) Don’t be silent.  You don’t have to be the most outgoing, gregarious person but, if you are silent, you will almost surely fade into the background.  You should be engaged when things are happening and learning opportunities occur. Be prepared to answer when you are asked a question.  If you don’t know the answer for sure, you can hazard a guess. It is far preferable to make an educated guess than to be sitting in silence while the faculty waits for an answer.  Participate participate participate.

4) Be energetic.  Again, you don’t have to be an extrovert, but you DO have to look like you are happy to be working and learning.  You’re in vet school or an internship or a residency- isn’t that AWESOME?!? You can’t be excited 24/7, particularly with some of the long, mentally taxing hours we work, but you CAN do your best to express your enthusiasm as often as possible.  Students who are energetic and seem happy to be there make a far better impression than those who seem like they are just putting in their time.

5) Study.  This may seem self-evident, which is why it’s not in the How to Be Successful series, but I am often amazed when students go home and then don’t study.  Yes, you may be able to pass and do a fine job. But do you expect you will be able to excel, to stand out from the crowd? All vet students are above average and all interns much more so- if you want to stand out, you have to work, and part of this is studying when you go home or have down time.

I don’t want you to STRIVE to be outstanding or above the crowd- doing so will almost surely set you up for failure.  However, I do want you to be AWARE of what you can do to be a remarkable student/intern/resident. Find the opportunities to do these things as they arise, but don’t force it into situations.  If you had a long, tiring shift and try to force yourself to be energetic, it will come off as false and disingenuous.

These are some of the characteristics of the students whom I notice and for whom I am inclined to write positive letters of recommendation.  What are some other characteristics you believe are important?

Sample Vetducator Corrections for 2019 Letters of Intent

Image by Anne Karakash from Pixabay

I thought I would share with you the way I have worked with students in the past and the sorts of comments I provide.  In general, I try to offer the writer the perspective an evaluator will have. This sometimes comes off as blunt, but I’m trying to genuinely share what goes through my mind.  You can see that I don’t rewrite things, just offer suggestions, so it is still the original author’s work; their work with added editing and expert advice. These are all anonymous and submitted with the author’s permission.

Podcast Episode 9 – Dr. Rachael Kreisler

Dr. Kreisler and I worked together for a couple of years and did a research project and continue to collaborate in research. She is an INTJ like me! She has a fascinating perspective on veterinary medicine as she has wanted to do shelter medicine since before she got to vet school. I’m sure you’ll learn a lot- I certainly did!

Examples of Poor Letters of Intent

The Vetducator- Bad Apple
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We have previously given examples of good stories in letters of intent, so I wanted to take the opportunity to show some examples of poor letters of intent.  These examples are from letters which were overall evaluated as “unrankable” for internships, but they apply to any stage of your professional progression. Although the entire letter was given a low value, I wanted to sample the specific segments I think are most illustrative.

“Whether it’s researching alternative therapies for treating an incontinent cat, working a busy ten hour shift in the ER, or consoling an upset client, I really enjoy my work. I am positive, hardworking, determined, organized, and good at working with others. I love to research and think outside the box when it comes to addressing challenging cases. I love working with cats, dogs, and pet exotics. I particularly enjoy emergency medicine, internal medicine, and companion exotic animal medicine.  Being on the verge of completing veterinary school at Unseen University in the top 10% of my class, I want to pursue further study with a one year internship followed by a residency in exotics. I am looking for a rigorous small animal internship in which I can have primary case responsibility, a heavy and varied case load, and the opportunity to continue learning under the guidance of veterinary specialists.”

As an opening paragraph, it is an abrupt start.  A little bit of a lead-in would be nice. It is highly self-promoting: telling the reader how amazing the author is.  They give some indication of what they want, but not why.

“An internship will provide me an opportunity to expand my knowledge base under the guidance of mentors and will continue to grow my veterinary school technical education. It is my desire to be trained by committed and passionate people who are experienced in helping interns to develop a good medical judgment and clinical skills. Likewise* the high volume of clinical cases in specialty practices will assist me to learn and manage multiple cases efficiently. A private practice internship will also enable me to provide optimal care for patients, learn to maximize customer service, and provide opportunities to develop interpersonal relationships with clients.”

What in the world does this entire paragraph tell me?  Of course an internship will help you grow. Everyone wants to be trained by great people.  The high volume is a good detail- I know this person would be a better fit for a busy practice than a slow, cerebral one.  I think ANY job would help you provide optimal care for patients, work on customer service, and work on interpersonal relationships.

“As there is increasing public interest in exotic and nontraditional companion animals* I have exploited every opportunity to continue my education and clinical training with species beyond those routinely presented to the Unseen University Teaching Hospital.  As a zoological and wildlife intern at numerous institutions I was responsible for patient care, heard health, public health, animal husbandry, and patient medical records. Through my direct interactions with chief veterinarians at esteemed zoological institutions I participated in numerous procedures, as listed on my C.V., and attended journal clubs and quality of life meetings.  Professional collaboration was essential in these settings as I discussed patient care and wellbeing with multiple individuals whom were all invested in the same animal, yet possessed differing degrees of medical knowledge. I have knowledge of avian, reptilian and mammalian wildlife, including proper handling and restraint through my experiences caring for these species at the Nature Center and Unseen University Wildlife Ward.”

Let’s analyze each sentence:

1 – Convoluted.  How have you exploited them?  Exploited is not a good word choice.

2 – Misspelling error in ‘heard health’.  Also, how is this different from anyone else?  Of course you’ve done medical records. What do you want, a cookie?

3 – Great, if it’s on your CV, why is it here?  I HAVE your CV, why waste valuable letter space on this?

4 – I can’t even unpack this sentence. “Whom” should be “who”.

5 – Great, you have skills.  I’m not too interested in skills- I can teach you what you need to know.  How are you to WORK with? Based on this, self-promoting and superficial.

* – Missing comma.

I know these applicants were sincere and dedicated and really wanted a position.  I do not want to dismiss their passion. Unfortunately, passion is not enough. They didn’t reach out to mentors and friends for feedback, resulting in relatively poor letters.  I hope you can learn from them, and avoid these missteps.

Effectively Manage the Transition Between Positions

Moving on from one step of your professional life to the next is exciting!  You’re going forward, pursuing your passion, hopefully at an institution you like.  There is invariably down time between positions and there are important Work and Life details you need to take care of.  We are in the middle of a move as I write this, which is both exciting and scary. Here are some suggestions to help you make these transitions less scary, specifically with regards to Time, Housing, Moving, Insurance, and Licenses.

Time

Between undergrad and vet school you have at least a whole summer, between vet school and internship at least a month and possibly more, between internship and residency a couple of weeks or more, and between residency and faculty position as much or as little time as you like.

Between undergrad and vet school, work or travel.  There’s not much point in trying to prepare for vet school- that’s what vet school is for.

Between vet school and internship, travel or, if they’ll have you, stay on at the institution from which you graduated.  I spent an additional 3 weeks after graduation hanging around the surgery service acting as a super senior or a junior intern, depending on your perspective.  It was a great experience and helped prepare me for my role as an intern.

Between internship and residency, study.  The more you know about your discipline before you start, the better off you will be.  Of course, they’ll teach you what you need to know during your program, but the faster you get up to speed, the more you will learn.  I read the Vet Clinics of North America issue on anesthesia as well as Physiology and Pharmacology in Anesthetic Practice and it was tremendously helpful.

Between residency and faculty, travel.  You already know enough to be an entry-level specialist, and you can’t do any meaningful work in the amount of time you have.  You will rarely be so unencumbered as you are once you finish your residency. I have _never_ been able to travel between positions and I wish that I had.

Housing

Once you know where you are going, you need to secure housing.  This can be challenging in some college towns. For example, in Athens, if you didn’t have a place secured by April, you would be getting the scraps, and people who want the best places secure their lease in February.  In contrast, in Phoenix, you can show up whenever and get almost any apartment you want. I encourage you to live within walking distance of the institution if at all possible. If you can also walk to the market and the pub, all the better.  I like using Google Maps, Apartments.com, and Zillow to find places which would be a good fit.

Hopefully the lease of your current place is ending close to when you will be moving.  If you need an extra week or two, you can always ask your landlord. In some place, such as Athens, this will be problematic- almost every lease turns over July 31st- but you can at least ask.  If you need to leave your lease early, notify them as soon as possible and just pay the fee. In the best-case scenario, your current lease ends the day after you pack everything up and move out.

Moving

Use this opportunity to REDUCE YOUR SHIT.  I am really serious about this. I showed up for my residency with two duffel bags and that is it.  When we left Athens, we gave away almost everything in our 2400-square foot house and it was WONDERFUL.  I assure you, your life will be so much better with less stuff. Particularly when you go to an internship- it’s only for a year.  Do you really want to be schlepping all of this stuff all over the country? No. Get rid of it. Donate it to friends, charity, or sell it on Craigslist.  You may NOT rent a storage unit because that is the height of ridiculousness.

Once you have less stuff, your options for moving are: DIY, hire help, or a combination of the two.  I have never heard a story of hiring a company to move things which ends well. So, in general, I would advise not hiring a moving company entirely.  To load your shipping device, you can get friends to help or hire local movers. We have had great success hiring local movers– they are relatively inexpensive, fast, and professional.

For shipping, you can rent your own truck (like a U-Haul and other competitors) or a device which someone else drives (PODS or U-Pack).  After driving a U-Haul for 2000 miles along I-40, I decided my life was worth more than I was saving by driving myself. Plus the gas cost was incredible.  Hiring U-Pack was about the same price as renting a U-Haul for a one-way trip, and was much less stressful.

Insurance

What happens if you get into a car accident when driving to your new home?  What if something catastrophic happens to your stuff in transit? How do you handle renter’s insurance?  Do you have to re-insure your car in your new state?

Let’s start with health insurance.  You should check with your current position about when your coverage ends.  Does coverage end on your last day or the end of the month? In any event, you should have an option to enroll in COBRA, which allows you to extend coverage.  This extension should be enough time to cover you until your next position coverage starts. If you can’t get COBRA, you may need to research individual coverage for the gap time.

Stuff insurance.  Why do you even have this?  Do you own something besides a house or car worth more than $1000?  Why? You already downsized your stuff, so you shouldn’t need insurance for it.  If it all goes up in a fireball, that would be sad but not catastrophic. You can pack any small, expensive items (instruments, computer, guns, etc.) in the car you personally drive.

Renter’s insurance is straight up absurd.  Why the hell should the apartment owners care if we have insurance to cover our very own stuff?  I’m not going to sue them if I get broken into. I wish I could opt out of this, but, unfortunately, in a lot of towns, this is required.  It is relatively inexpensive so, if you need to get it, find the cheapest policy that satisfies the rental company. Alternatively, several times now I have convinced the rental companies that my umbrella liability policy is sufficient.  I strongly recommend umbrella insurance for everyone so, if you have it, you may not need separate renter’s insurance.

Car insurance coverage is generally dependent on the zip code where the car is garaged.  Obviously, the insurance company doesn’t know when you move. But, if you get into an accident, they may make a fuss about it.  I would recommend talking to your insurance company/agent about this when you are researching moving.

Licenses

You will need a license to practice veterinary medicine wherever you go after graduation.  Some states have arrangements where you can get a ‘faculty license’, which has pretty minimal requirements for someone working at a university.  Many places have a single point person to help facilitate this. Figure out the license situation before you leave for your new position.

There are a lot of moving parts involved in moving to a new position.  To keep it simple, follow these rules: reduce your stuff, make a plan ahead of time, don’t leave anything to the last minute.  The sooner you figure things out, the less stressful the actual move will be.

How to be Successful: Be an RFHB

The other day I popped my head into a faculty member’s office to talk with them about their current struggles with some students.  The faculty member mentioned one student who was being needy and dramatic and problematic, and I said, “Wouldn’t it be great if they just acted like a Reasonable Fucking Human Being?”  The faculty member laughed and loved that term, because it summarizes so many important but ineffable qualities.

I can’t remember which of my friends coined this term, but it has been one of the most useful terms in my life: Reasonable Fucking Human Being (RFHB).  This is not “an amazing person” or “an incompetent asshat.”  It is not “Spock-like emotionlessness” or “perfect in every way.”  This is the baseline level at which people should be functioning. It is not a high standard.  Yet, it is amazing how often people who should know better do not meet this simple qualification.

To be an RFHB, you need to not be dramatic.  If you can’t avoid being dramatic, you at least need to be able to calm down and speak rationally.  You need to have expectations which are fair and reasonable. You need to not expect people to read your mind.  You need to treat people with a basic level of respect, because they are also soft squishy smart monkeys trying to stimulate dopamine activity on a rocky ball hurtling through the cosmos.

To be an RFHB, you can be emotional, but you need to acknowledge your emotionality.  You need to listen. You need to not interrupt. If you do interrupt someone, you need to be aware of that and apologize.  You need to present solutions and not just gripe, unless all you want is sympathy, in which case you should make that clear.  You need to think about the future and be aware of the consequences of your decisions.

To be an RFHB, you need to be compassionate.  You need to care at least a little about your fellow human beings.  You need to try to minimize suffering- not just starving children in third world countries, but with the words you use and how you deal with the people around you.  You need to trust and accept the trust that progressively builds as you interact with others. You need to understand the rules and, if you don’t accept them, be willing to accept the consequences of breaking them.

To be an RFHB, you need to look out for the ‘little guy’.  You need to support individuals against the oppression of the majority.  You need to understand privilege and not expect others to do things the way you do them.  You need to understand the relationship between work, effort, and outcome. You need to be humble and accept responsibility for your actions and work to improve as a person.

In a word: just be cool.  OK, that’s three words. It seems really really simple to me.  Just be… reasonable. That’s it. That’s the baseline. From there, you can work on being a zero.